There are days that are challenging and difficult, where you're juggling a thousand things and rushing to get things done but there's still some kind of satisfaction in the work, in knowing that you're moving forward.
Today was not one of those days. Today was simply depressing. I know depressing isn't fun to read but, well, in the tradition of livejournal it's not really a blog if there isn't some whining self-pity.
In a sense today, or at least, some day this week, was supposed to be a little triumphant - the huge change we made to Entrecard last week has pretty much stabilized, and in some world where I'm a gloating idiot I'd be saying "hah take that doubters!" but the fact is that that's pretty much the only positive thing that's happened this week and I met it more with a feeling of vague relief than actual joy.
In other areas of Entrecard I've been struggling, we've had people trying to hack the security gear on the drop system, we've had severe load problems on the database, the queue manager which is supposed to help hold things when the database can't keep up started losing chunks of data, some brainless idiot sent a death threat to another Entrecarder which means I'm going to have to go dig through a bunch of logs to find out who it was, and it's not like I don't have a thousand things I should be doing for EC anyway, let alone my other clients.
I'm trying to move house this saturday, struggling there as well, I gave up any thought of trying to actually do a full move so now I'm just trying to get rid of my furniture and stuff so that all I have to move is boxes. M3 command adhesive is a total fraud, we have ripped wallpaper because of that, goodbye bond.
That's just the stuff I can talk about in public. Beyond the point where you are desperate or in a hurry, there's a place where you're just a zombie, putting one foot in front of another with no real hope or expectation that you'll manage to get anywhere, dealing with whatever is right in front of you because there is so much high priority stuff that there is no hope of taking any kind of control of it. I am phi's zombie twin.
I got a personal shock today, and it's thrown me a bit. My mother once told me that a person needs multiple things in their life they can take pride in, so that if something goes wrong with one they can draw strength from the others. She told me that when I was really embedded in a work situation that had gone bad and I was really upset about it.
Well, I pretty much followed that advice since, but stuff has been going bad in pretty much every area in the last week and I've gotta say, it isn't any fun. Ah well, ce la vie, just keep on keeping on until the sun shines again.
